We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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