between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
