Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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