some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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