It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
