oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
