My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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