So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
