She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
