What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
