OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
