I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
