Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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