Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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