omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
