you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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