my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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