it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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