Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
