Where is the hickey?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
