Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
