I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
