I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Enjoy the penises
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
