where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
