Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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