I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
