I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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