Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
