im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
