I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
