i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
