My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
