That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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