drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
