I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
