For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
