Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
