We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
