Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
