you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
