So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
