I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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