What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
