Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
