grandma shit on top of the toilet
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
