when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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