the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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