this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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