so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
