Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
