Jerry, you need to find god
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
