Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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