Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
