I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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