he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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