Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
