Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she told me i tasted like america
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
