Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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