I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
