Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
