lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
