Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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